Nubze

When Spencer was a pre-schooler, correcting undesired behavior could be a challenge. I read several books on ‘discipline’ and time-outs. But, the methods didn’t work as described. I especially remember time-outs not working at all. He hated time-outs. He would cry incessantly or worse. Sometimes he would go on a tirade and become a tornado in his room, throwing stuffed animals, ripping the sheets off his bed, and yanking all his clothes out of his dresser.

I was extremely worried. Either I was doing this time-out thing incorrectly or I had a psychopath on my hands. I refused to believe the latter, so I must have been executing the time-outs wrong. Or, so I thought.

Then I read Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s book, Raising Your Spirited Child, and I was very relieved. It wasn’t me! And, Spencer wasn’t a crazed child. He was, as she states, “spirited”. She says that what distinguishes a spirited child from other kids is that they are more. More intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change; what people used to call a “difficult” child.

As I read the book, many of the ways Kucinka described a spirited child fit with what I was experiencing. And, it provided me solace to know I wasn’t alone or crazy or a horrible parent. From his incredible sensitivity about the way his clothes felt to him (yes, he could feel the seams of his socks and they really bothered him) to his intense dislike of change, Spencer fit her description.

The book helped me identify tactics to make it easier raising Spencer, and how to better deal with his intensity and sensitivities. But, the biggest help was just providing me understanding about my spirited child’s ways and thought process.

At times I still feel overwhelmed at his sensitive intensity, but I keep referring back to this book to help me gain the proper perspective. I especially find her line on page 11 consoling: “Send him to his room for a ‘time out’ and he is liable to tear it apart.”

Click on the image and you can read other reviews, or purchase it, from the Nubze Store.

I just finished reading The Hair-Raising Joys of Raising Boys by Dave Meurer. It was published originally in 1999, and enjoyed its seventh print in 2007. If you can over-look the Christian references, the book is a smart and funny look at those crazy things boys do. And, since all fathers were boys at some point in the past (some argue, men remain boys, just in bigger bodies), we find the humor in, and relate to, the way our sons think and act – much to the disapproval of their mothers. I enjoyed the book because Meurer’s anecdotes made me feel like I wasn’t the only father that: a) had a son who does stupid things; and, b) does stupid things himself.

The chapter on boys pretending to understand what you are saying as they wait for you to finally shut up so they can go play, is priceless. I say that only because it happens to me all the time. And, the chapter on camping with boys is spot on as he discusses that boys+dirt+wildlife+mosquito spray = mayhem. Even though I don’t fish, I totally relate to his discussion of his boys throwing rocks in the water. Spencer likes to do that, as well as hurl them at trees, squirrels, whatever, right at the same time I want to take in the quiet beauty of nature. In a future post I will share about the time I found big holes dug in the dirt all about the campsite as a result of Spencer’s and his friends’ search for gold.

Click on the image of the book to read more reviews or to order. It’s only six bucks, and I think it is money well spent.