Nubze

Spencer and I were sitting under the blue sky on a warm August day. We were waiting to tee off at the Greenlake Pitch and Putt. Every few minutes he would ask me when it was our turn. I would reply, “soon, we need to be patient.”

Waiting one’s turn to tee off, holding back from the green until it is cleared, and restraining one’s tongue while another person putts, are great lessons in patience for a boy. As we watched the group ahead of us take their first shots, I began to think of the other lessons that can be learned by playing golf.

Our time to tee off arrived, and Spencer’s shot veered off near a bush about 50 yards down the short fairway. He showed his disappointment by sitting down on the ground next to the tee. I reminded him that it was only one shot, and perseverance was an important aspect of the game. “You’ll never sink the ball into the cup unless you take the next shot,” I said. “And, who knows what the next shot will be like. You won’t get better if you give up.”

My shot went into the trees behind the green and I wondered for whom my previous line was intended.

Acceptance and self-forgiveness are also part of the game. Spencer wanted to throw his ball into the middle of the fairway. As in life, we have to forgive ourselves for a bad shot and play the ball where it lies. Tiger Woods has made plenty of bad shots, but he doesn’t dwell on them. He accepts where he is, determines his actions for recovery, and eventually gets the ball on the green.

Spencer and I chipped our balls onto the green and I congratulated him on his great shot from the bushes. As I lined up my putt, he was chattering away about his shot. I asked him not to talk while it was my turn to hit the ball. I sunk the putt, and to be helpful, he grabbed my ball out of the cup. I then explained to him, he shouldn’t touch another person’s ball. It is against the rules and it is not courteous.

I realized many of the rules of golf have less to do with scoring than with good sportsmanship and basic courtesy.

By the end of the round, Spencer’s swing was settling down. Through the nine holes we had played, I could see that he was gaining self-control: physical and mental. He could go from a drive to a chip to a putt and use the appropriate swing. He wasn’t talking on the green or on the tee. And, I think mentally he was controlling his fear of playing poorly – something I have personally been fighting for the past 10 years of my game.

I think the lessons from golf are not only applicable for my son, but for me as well. Focusing on the positive lessons from the game always makes me enjoy the round more and feel more self-confident , regardless of how bad I played. And, I want Spencer to feel the same way about his game and his life.

As we walked to the car, I asked him how he felt about the round. He said he had a great time and wanted to play again tomorrow. I told him I was proud of him for showing patience, perseverance, self-control, and courtesy. I also pointed out how good it felt not to have cheated. He asked me what I meant. I said, “regardless of how many swings it took to get the ball in the cup, the ball did go in the cup. And doesn’t it feel good to know you did not have to break the rules to do so?”

He proudly agreed.