Does Sex Hurt?
I knew the sex talk would be coming, but I had hoped I could put it off for a couple of years. When in the car this afternoon, Spencer asked me, “Dad, does sex hurt,” I about drove off the road.
Once I regained my composure, my next thought was, “only if it’s good and nasty,” but I knew I could not say such a thing to a curious nine year old. I was flummoxed over how to respond.
“Why do you ask?” I croaked.
“Oh, because on Total Drama Island Gwen and Duncan were talking about it,” he innocently said.
A TV show had something about it in the dialogue. I wasn’t sure if I felt relieved, or angry that a kid’s show would bring up such a topic.
I asked Spencer what was said on the TV show and he regaled me with a review of the whole episode. It had nothing, really, to do with sex, but the innuendo in the dialogue from one scene was intended for adults. I guessed, to keep the parents engaged in the cartoon rather than changing the station to CNN. It was apparent that Spencer had no idea what sex was.
“What’s sex, Dad?” he then asked.
I took in a breath, and slowly let it out. I definitely was not prepared to discuss it while driving on the 99 – if ever.
I viewed myself as the enlightened parent: willing to openly and honestly discuss topics such as sex with my child. However, I didn’t expect it to be so difficult. I wanted to word my response in such a way as to answer his question, but also not to create more questions, or to instill in him a desire to experiment – especially at his age. Visions of my fifth grader at the pharmacy asking for condoms, while the pharmacist with his disapproving stare, thinks the boy’s father is a horrible example of a parent, produced a pain in the back of my eyeballs.
“Well, you know how the flowers have pollen and it takes two flowers to make a plant seed?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Well, uh, animals kind of do the same thing. A male animal and a female animal get together and make a baby. The act of making a baby, is called sex. Understand?” I said.
“Not really,” he said.
“Um…uh, well you see…“ I stammered. I was lost. Once we got home, I was so getting online and find out how to talk about this properly. However, in the mean time, I didn’t want to shut the boy down due to my own timidity addressing his questions.
“How do I say this?” I said out loud against my wishes.
“Can we go see that new movie this Friday?” Spencer asked, perhaps I thought, sensing my own unease at discussing such a thing with him.
Usually, I would try to return Spencer to topic so I could gain closure on our discussion. But, this time, I was more than happy to let it go.
“Absolutely,” I said. “And, we can have pizza before the movie. Would you like that?”
“Sure. I think the movie looks funny,” he said.
I felt I dodged a bullet that afternoon. Once home, I did go online. And, I found something better than talking points: Children’s Hospital has a session for tweeners and their parents to discuss upcoming adolescence.
I signed us up for the session in November. I just hope he does not shoot that bullet at me again, at least until after the Children’s Hospital session – that, I hope, will provide me with some anti-freakout tools when the subject comes up again.