Nubze

Ok, don’t laugh, for I found this PBS site, Understanding and Raising Boys, full of useful articles. I think it is a great website from PBS with a lot of good information.

It’s tough being a boy in America today. The PBS Parents Guide to Raising Boys will help you understand what it’s like. Discover how to help your boy feel confident, succeed in school, and grow up resilient and responsible

The most pertinent to me was the section on Boys in School. I fretted that Spencer always seemed more challenged in school than the other kids in his class (mostly the girls). Turned out it wasn’t just me. At his age, there is a general discrepancy between boys and girls in school and their ability to do school work. The articles helped me to breath easier.

For example, the opening page for the school section points out there are more boy “geniuses” in school but, also more dropouts. Subsequent articles follow up with determining how to recognize a problem and ideas for helping one’s own son, including a piece on Practical Strategies.

I have the link to the PBS Parents home page in my blogroll. The Raising Boys section is under their “Issues and Advice” menu tab.

Spencer was always asking me to buy him some cheap trinket whenever we went into a store. I was getting so tired of saying “No” (or, wincing when I said, “uh, ok”). I decided it was time for him to get an allowance. My primary reason was so I could tell him he could use his own money to buy that damn trinket.

After that decision, I realized I didn’t want him to just have his hand out each Saturday. I wanted to use the allowance as a ‘teaching moment’ and for him to learn the value of a dollar, or in this case, five dollars. So, I tied the allowance to his chores.

“This is a big step for you. You’re getting older,” I told him. And, I proceeded to explain the importance of contributing to the household and the subsequent reward for a job well done.

By the nodding of his head, and the expression on his happy face, it was evident that all he heard was: “five dollars each week to buy any trinket you want.”

Chores? What are those?

I recognized I needed to devise a way to hold him accountable to his half of the deal. I came up with the Allowance Worksheet (image in upper left). Each week I print a clean copy and post it on the refrigerator. Each day, Spencer is supposed to check-off the chores he performed. At the end of the week, if sufficiently full of check marks, I give him his allowance. If not, surprisingly, he gets the idea of pay for work and is understanding when he doesn’t receive the full amount. I have to admit, I’ve never had the heart to give him nothing. There are even work items he can perform to earn extra money. He really hones in on doing those activities when a new Bakugan or Lego kit is advertised on the Cartoon Network.

Feel free to click on the image and download the Excel file for your own use. In the worksheet, simply change the chore names to meet your household needs. The dates for the days across the top are calculated from the date you entered in the left most cell. Worksheet provided AS-IS, with no warranty expressed or implied. By downloading you agree to use for your own personal use and not to resell….blah, blah, blah. Lawyer made me put in the legalize. Sorry.

By providing Spencer allowance, I don’t hear, “Dad, can you buy this for me?” anymore. Now it’s, “Dad, can I borrow against my allowance to buy this?”. He’ll make a good American consumer.

Spencer refused to play baseball this season. His mother and I agree he has to participate in at least one organized sport this summer. It turned out to be tennis. He actually seemed pretty excited about trying it.

So, I picked up a kids racket at the discount sporting goods place, and several tubes of balls, and we were set. It was several weeks until tennis camp started, but Spencer was enthralled with his new racket and balls. The weather was nice, so I thought I would expose him to the game in an attempt to spark more enthusiasm.

That first foray onto the courts…well, just say there is a reason I am not an instructor – for anything. I do not have the temperament or patience required to teach a 9 year old anything, let alone the complicated body mechanics needed to hit the ball over the net, but not over the fence.

After fifteen minutes – which seemed like an hour – all our ball tubes were empty. Where those balls are now remains a mystery. “Don’t hold the racket that way, you’ll hit the ball…” I repeated several times as I watched my son hit another ball over the fence encircling the court “… over the fence,” my voice fading as I watched the ball bounced down the street.

I do not know if the spawn of my loins was refusing to do as I say or was just having too much fun hitting home runs (rebelling, I had no doubt). In the end, the reason didn’t matter. I was frustrated, and he resented my hounding him to hold the racket correctly. We concluded the session, both mad at each other, and proceeded to stomp home from the neighborhood courts.

To my surprise, I did not completely destroy my son’s desire to learn tennis or to go to Nike tennis camp. He seemed to enjoy it. On the ride home that first afternoon after camp, I asked him how he liked it. I will not forget what he said to me: “Dad, it was fun to learn tennis from someone who knew what they were doing.”

I couldn’t agree with him more.